Thursday, September 10, 2009

Musn't Quit!!

It is rightly said, that life is unpredictable .. Unpredictable to the point that the challenges that it poses are not exciting anymore. You want to give up and choose easier options to bring back predictability to your life. Such is my case right now.

Things look pretty messy, I feel that life is probably at the worst phase that it can get.
Things probably cannot get worse than they have right now.I have no idea how to make things right again, but I so truly and deeply want to.

Some say forget it and dont worry (the easiest option of the lot)
Others say learn from your mistakes and move on.
But something that I truly believe in is that - Perseverance and Determination alone are omnipotent, and truth and honesty give it an extra push.

The last option, is not as easy as it sounds . It might require a lot of strength to not give up when tireless efforts go unrewarded. There might be times when you feel that all the effort is not worth the pain that you go through trying to make the effort. This is not true.

So , from a wellknown poem that I learnt as a child,

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
when he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst, that
You Must Not Quit.
- C. W. Longenecker

I wont quit! I will Fight ON! And I will do all that it requires to make things right - I know not how - but I will figure it out .

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Lust or psychological compulsion?

Like everyday , its just after lunch at work , I am thoroughly sleepy and wishing that the day end soon. Just like everyday, I open up my browser to point to "Times Of India" , after all I need to be up-to-date with whats happening back home.

And then , I come across the following Article that jerks me out of my sleep -


The article is as follows:

"A 38-year-old man allegedly raped and then murdered an 18-month-old girl at Dongaryawali village, 8 km from Morshi, in the wee hours of Wednesday. Police said that the victim’s father used to work as a watchman at a farm. The accused Sanjay Gajabe sneaked into their house and took away the victim to a farm where he did the heinous act. Sanjay then killed her and threw the body in a well. The victim’s family launched a frantic search and found her body floating in the well.

And now I dont know what to think , what to say and what to do. I pass on the link to my friend and she, just like me, is Aghast. It's unbelievable what some crazed people can think of doing , and not just think but can actually commit the heinous act called RAPE .

Parents teach their daughters to beware of men who try to lure them , with candies when they are young, and with promises of love when they are adolescents. But how do you warn an 18 month old child, who has no clue what "man" means and for whom life is her mother's embrace and her fathers shoulders.

I cannot imagine the plight of the little baby that went through the ordeal, and I absolutely cannot understand the rationale behind such a rape.

A twenty year old girl , is probably attractive enough to attract attention or wear clothes that might provoke and invite trouble. But what about a one and a half year old child? Neither can she be provocative, nor does she have any biological features to attract attenion.Why then would a fully grown man force his way into a tender and innocent child and destroy her?

Rapists in general and this MAN in particular should be punished hard. They should receive the highest level of punishment possible in a judiciary system - THE CAPITAL PUNISHMENT - in a way that the whole world knows of the consequences. They should be put through the severest of all tortures to understand how for their selfish few moments of pleasure they turned someone's life upside down.

A few weeks ago , I had read somewhere of a man being given one day sentence in Jail for raping a school girl. Such lawmakers, who are incapable of perceiving the repercussions should be themselves sentenced along with the criminals. Letting such soulless people lose in the world is what makes them fearless in performing such actions.

Public crucifixion is what I DEMAND!!

Nobody, absolutely nobody can justify a RAPE , and misuse the vulnerability of a girl.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Unexpected Holidays!

The word Holiday has always been associated with long hours of sleep, fun filled afternoons and evenings with friends, lovely mom made food , outings and just about everything you can to have a blast!

Ever since I was a child I have always been so looking forward to holidays - be it Summer, Diwali or Chirstmas. It meant I could go a few more hours to my dance classes, talk to my best friend for hours together after class without worrying about homework (although my school did give vacation homework - I managed to finish it before the vacation actually began), wake up late (which ment 8 o'clock instead of 7 due my dad who could not wait to wake me up every morning) and having great food. But these predetermined , planned weeks of vacation were not as exciting as the single day breaks that we got due to unexpected rainfall, elections, or (sorry to sound cynical) even a politician's death. It was always fun. It meant one whole day of lazing around after expecting a day full of "Hardship!"

These unexpected holidays were even more entertaining as I entered college. It meant playing Counter-Strike whole day long with friends, discussing for hours together where would the gang eat in evening, and go for a movie in the last show possible.

Today however, these unexpected Holidays are not enjoyable. They are more stressful than anything else I have ever experienced. The reason being -- "Will I receive my EAD on time? Will I lose my job? If I do, Will I get a job before the last date for H1 filing ?". The US Government agency working on my EAD application has somehow shortlisted my application to "demostrate the effect of delay in the procedure". They need more information from me before further processing my application. But this is preventing me from reporting to my Job !!

Gosh! How I hope these Unexpected Holidays were as funfilled as they used to be all my life! Memorable though they still will be!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Quarter -Life Crisis

I came across this email forwarded to me by a friend and it very aptly suits the flavor of my blog, so I'd like to share it with everyong out here ...


It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

Do let me know about your opinions on this one!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Slow Me Down!

For the last 6 years and specially the last 2 years have been just like what this song describes.. !

Rushing and racing
and running in circles
Moving so fast, I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic
Pace of the world
I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
falling apart

Save me
Somebody take my hand, and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flys by
I need you to slow me down

Sometimes I fear that I might dissapear
In the blur of fast forward I faulter again
Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep
getting nowhere

All that I've missed I see in the reflection

Passed me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
falling apart

Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flys by
I need you to slow me down

Just show me
slow me down,slow me down

The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe, somebody please
Slow me down

Is it really worth rushing through life without enjoying its beauty? Is it worth running for aims that feel worthless once you reach them?

Friday, November 7, 2008

Fight On!

Ever since I entered those preadult years, life's been on a role.!


Parents said - "Your school doesnt have science stream, if you want to get into a good school in your 11th grade study HARD! "
Mamta's Action -"I did. I got a 96% in Math and Science which seems to be a solid score"
What happened - "I was going from one school to the other as they put up 1st and 2nd and 3rd list of selected students. I wasnt on any. Finally, I had to go meet up some influencial people to get my admission. Hear from them that if I should have studied harder if I wanted admission in a good school"

Parents said - "Study hard if you want to get admitted to a good college, since competition is tough"
Mamta's Action - "I dint. I dint score well a first few tests and so lost confidence in myself.Parents had a lot of expectations because I was intelligent and I dint seem to be able to fulfill it. I couldn't face MYSELF."
What happened - "I was lucky. Life gave me another chance. I scored a meager 58% and yet secured admission in one of the most prestigious universities of Gujarat because the overall pass percentage was low "

Parents said - "Make the best use of this opportunity"
Mamta's Action -"I did. I studied hard, got good grades. Took part in extra curricular activities and excelled. "
What happened - "The teachers praised me. The principal gave me special permission to walk into him cabin anytime I wanted to talk to him. I was looked upon by juniors. I was one of the most successful students in college."


Finally my dream to come to US was true. I had got my Visa. There is was in one of the premier institutes of "the land of dreams!".. I was at USC. With so many dreams to fulfill I came here.

What happened -"I scored horribly in the first semester. Dint even score enough to maintain thelowest possible GPA (a 3.0) required for graduation. I lost all self confidence yet again. My carefully constructed strength through all the hardwork of 4 years was evaporating every moment. I finally got hold of myself scored a little better in the coming semesters and managed to reach the 3.0"

Finally, now is the time to look for a job. My university promises a 100% recruitment.I Worked hard on my resume. I visited the campus job fair. Reaching earlier than most people , I visited almost all the stalls that I could in the given time. I was happy with myself for the professional attitude that I carried during the fair. It was neither demure nor arrogant. But a perfect blend! Everybody asked me to apply online on my university's job portal.
Next I see is ...


Every single day , receiving the same line again and again from USC's recruiting center. I even interviewed with a company who mailed me saying they have recruited a person who they think better fits the job. How would they know if I fit the job without asking me any real technical questions. But anyways, I guess thats what my dad was referring to when he was talking about COMPETITION.

USC keeps telling us to FIGHT ON! We must since we are trojans. But my question is , how long? Isnt a trojan a human too? Dont they lose hope? Dont they feel frustrated? Does everything have to be so discouraging to test how strongwilled a person is? Dont strong willed persons break down ?

How long do u FIGHT ON!?

Monday, October 20, 2008

Chaotic Perfection

- By Suling Wang

A lot of people would have actually been part of this same cycle of life. I am sure. Its a part of the growing up process.

It starts a little after you have had your first second or even third crushes, have swooned over mills and boons, have dreamt about those first silent moonlight walks hand in hand. It skips the period when you were confident of achieving anything you aimed for in life, of being capable of doing whatever you wanted to.

I talk about the fragile bridge between adolescence and youth. Yes, Adolescence and Youth (not childhood and adolescence)
The period when you are suddenly faced with the realities of life. It doesn't look all that beautiful anymore.
Suddenly, the guys or the girls you drooled over seem not to be perfect.
Suddenly, the aims that you had for your life don't really feel that important.
Suddenly, the ideologies that you shared with your friends don't make sense.

Now imagine this. From a perfect picture to a canvas of total chaos! None of what you thought of for twenty years seems to be correct.

I too have been a part of this phase. Two years after I crossed this bridge (or so I thought) I still seem to be dangling somewhere in between. What feels like truth at one point of time disgusts me at another. What makes me happy today is something that I hate to do tomorrow. Life seems beautiful and a moment later i feel like the most miserable person alive.

Sometimes I think its got to do with the fact that I have somewhere in the process of traveling from one edge of the bridge to the other dropped the big picture that I had created for life. My dreams , my ideals don't seem realistic to me anymore. Sometimes I wonder about my decisions back then only to feel that they don't have any value attached to it anymore.

And in fact, the most amazing part of this story is that I am on my way to achieve what I had dreamt back then. I had dreamed of coming to a foreign land and fend for my own self and I have been doing it for a year now. I had dreamed of obtaining a masters degree in my program and I am two months away from my graduation. I had dreamed of getting a job and having my own cubicle and I have one at my workplace now topped with a desk phone, a desk machine and my own personal laptop with a drawer full of documentation. All this sounded geeky to me back then and gave me a rush of excitement. Today, I think, is this what life is all about??

Life is perfect so as to say, and yet why is my heart in chaos?